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Yes, alcohol is a finicky substance; people drink to drown their sorrows and find solace at the bottom of the bottle. They drink to celebrate a happy occasion with the bubbly goodness of champagne. They drink to stave off social anxiety when placed in an uncomfortable situation, among so many other reasons. When so much can go wrong with drinking, a set of ground rules might help you avoid disastrous effects. I know, I know: Friends don't let friends drink alcohol incorrectly. But just in case they do, your best bet is to learn the golden drinking rules for yourself. L'chaim!
- Never say no to a free drink.
- Additionally, if someone offers to buy you a drink, upgrading is not allowed.
- Talk half as much as you listen.
- The shot buyer always makes the toast.
- If you bring alcohol to a party, you have to drink it or leave it.
- If you can’t afford to tip a bartender, drink at home.
- Try at least one new beer (or drink) a month.
- Blaming it on the alcohol is not an excuse.
- If your friend buys the first round, you buy the second. Continue the back-and-forth from there.
- If you make eye contact with the bartender, and hesitate for more than 3 seconds, you don’t deserve a drink.
- If you’re not sure which beer is yours, always assume it’s the colder and fuller one.
- Appreciate a killer hangover. Drinking like a champion is not easy.
- If you bring a bottle to a guest’s house, either finish the bottle, or it becomes a part of your friend’s liquor cabinet.
- If you are offered a shot, you must drink the whole thing. Otherwise, do not accept it.
- If you buy the round, you have earned the right and responsibility of making a toast.
16. Salt. Tequila. Lime… In that order.
17. You may only borrow one cigarette from the same person in the same night.
18. If you plan on a full day of drinking, do not take shots at brunch.
19. Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.
20. Always keep a corkscrew at home.
21. Buying someone a drink is 5x better than a handshake.
22. Drinking alone is allowed.
23. Extracting secrets from a friend by getting them drunk is forbidden.
24. If someone is carrying three or more drinks, he or she always has the right of way.
25. Read "Rule 24" again.
26. Drinking games are always allowed and highly encouraged.
27. Bringing a flask to a bar is fair game, as long as you don't get caught.
28. The bartender is always right.
29. Never finish your last drink.
The Modern Drunkard Handbook
The Modern Drunkard published an instructive manual on the rules (some of which were used above), proper etiquette, and history of alcohol culture. A must read!