Cocktails that Will Make You Drunk Fast

While these drinks don't come with warning labels, there are few cocktails that will make you drunk fast. Proceed with caution.

Cocktails that Will Make You Drunk Fast

Many people will throw down Jaeger shots or chug Long Island Iced Tea when they first learn they have the ability to get drunk fast. Sure, the Long Island Iced Tea is a classic cocktail, known by all as one of the strongest around, but these children hoping to get drunk fast... it's child's play. The Long Island Iced Tea is a mild drink compared to some of the monsters out there.

We collect this bestiary of intense drinks not as a means to encourage your consumption. We warn you now of their potency and intensity. But there is always that mystique and appeal about those few drinks more dangerous and intense than the rest... the cocktails that will make you drunk fast and hard.

Tequila Blue Blazer

Tequila Blue Blazer

Ingredients

  • 1 oz Reposado Tequila
  • 2 oz Mezcal
  • 2 oz Boiling Water
  • Fire

Oh, this one is a tricky one to make. In a metal bowl, mix the alcohol. In another, set up your boiling water. Light the tequila mixture on fire, and, as it burns, dump it into the boiling water. Pass the mixture to and from each mixture to mix it nicely. Once satisfied with how mixed your hot drink has become, cover, and snuff out the flame by starving it of oxygen. Serve in a cup, and enjoy your dangerous drink. Assuming you didn't light your bar on fire, you may need some liquid courage to settle your nerves.

Jungle Juice

Jungle Juice

Ingredients

  • 1 Litre Bottle of Absinthe
  • Fresh Fruits
  • Varied Juices

This party favorite (for some insane reason) is a mix of grain alcohol (absinthe) and whatever fruit you have laying around. Mix it like some fruit punch. Serve it at parties. That party will really kick it into fourth gear fast this way before derailing into drunken babble – fast. You don't want to get drunk fast? Then don't drink the Jungle Juice. Just... don't.

Sazerac

Sazerac

Ingredients

2 oz of Rye Whiskey

Peychaud's Bitters

Sugar Cube

Absinthe

This drink is humble at first. Mix up some whiskey, bitters, and deposit a sugar cube within. Doesn't sound too bad, right? Wrong. The part that makes everyone drunk is not the drink itself – well, it can be, but there's something worse than whiskey at work here! It's the absinthe coating the inside of the glass. You are to wash this cup before use with some whiskey. Make it coat the inside... and, when you pour the rest of the drink in, it sloshes all that absinthe into the beverage... all for you to drink.

The Zombie

The Zombie

Ingredients

  • Pineapple Juice
  • Orange Juice
  • Apricot Brandy
  • Light Rum
  • Dark Rum
  • Lime Juice
  • Bacardi 151
  • Sugar

High in sugar and alcohol, this cocktail is made when you mix all the ingredients together, and top it off with Bacardi. All in equal measure. The drink will overwhelm your senses with sweet sugar, but chances are it will intoxicate you so much you probably wouldn't even notice. This sort of drink will make you drunk so fast you won't even notice this drink giving you Type 2 Diabetes. 

Corpse Reviver #2

Corpse Reviver #2

Ingredients

  • Gin
  • Cointreau
  • Lillet Blanc
  • Lemon
  • Absinthe

This drink is known for its delicious flavor and incredible kick. Though served in equal measure with the gin, the alcoholic content of this drink is vastly increased due to the absinthe, which is one of the most alcoholic drinks on the market. Of course, masked by the other beverages, you don't even taste it. But your body is affected. Hard and fast. Drink four fast, and you'll die so hard you'll come back to life just to die of alcohol poisoning a second time. Hence, the Corpse Reviver. 

Death in the Afternoon

Death in the Afternoon

Ingredients

  • 1 oz Absinthe
  • Rest - Champagne

Ernest Hemingway concocted this drink, and, let me assure you, it most certainly lives up to the name. A combination of champagne and intense alcohol, this drink is designed to dull your sense of emotions until you are incapable of differentiating our body from the surrounding, vibrating air. Hemingway advised to drink three to five of these slowly. Doing so will probably kill a normal human being.

The Hurl-Hurl

The Hurl-Hurl

Ingredients

  • Amaretto
  • Cranberry Juice
  • Creme de Banane
  • Malibu Rum
  • Melon Liqueur
  • Peach Schnapps 
  • Raspberry Liqueur
  • Southern Comfort
  • Triple Sec

You see all those ingredients above? Put 'em all into a shaker in equal measure, mix 'em up with some ice, and serve. It can be in a shot or a glass, but, with all those drinks, you're gonna probably have enough to serve a few friends. Or, at least, I hope you're serving it with friends... or else you will get drunk so fast you may damage your liver.

Aunt Roberta

Aunt Roberta

Ingredients

  • Gin
  • Absinthe
  • Vodka
  • Brandy
  • Blackberry Liqueur

Regarded by some as the deadliest cocktail in the world, this drink is pure alcohol. No mixers to save you. It is a pure, intense cocktail with only one purpose: make you drunk fast. Or kill you. Really, both are reasonable options when you're consuming a drink that is essentially pure alcohol.

The Vaportini

The Vaportini

Ingredients

  • Anything

The Vaportini is not a true mixture of a series of drinks. It is not a real cocktail, but is known for being possibly dangerous to consume. You simply heat spirits to 140 degrees so that it may begin to evaporate. You then suck the alcohol up through a straw, consuming it straight through. The effects on the body have yet to be fully understood, but it is highly possible it can cause serious brain damage. It definitely makes you drunk far faster than any other alcohol on the market. Be responsible.

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