Confessions of a Nightclub Owner: Part 3

Chapter 3

As a nightclub owner I was always interested in maximizing profits. You pay rent for an entire month, but you are only open 2 days of the week, so what do you do with the other 5 nights? In an ideal world you would be open all 7 days of the week but how many people really want to go out on a Sunday night in the middle of winter? Not a lot. How many young adults want to go out at 10 at night on a weekday? Not a lot. Without a kitchen and full food menu you couldn’t compete with restaurants and pubs during the day. So, I offered my club space to anyone that wanted to work together on an off night and we would make it work.

This is where I meet Dick Pic, he doesn’t need any further introduction as this paints a fairly vivid picture of the kind of guy he was. Dick Pic was a young gun still in community college taking and pursuing a certificate in business he thought he was the hottest thing since sliced bread and he was about to take the world by storm. I get an email from Dick Pic one day.

< Hey Bro, I heard I can rent out your club on Sunday nights, hit me back we can do this up big! We’re going to be big so big we will need more nights of the week!

Dick Pic >

After I stop laughing I think what the hell I have nothing to lose and it's Sunday Nights. If it fails who cares I have my deposit and if it does well then I see cash in my future! So I emailed him back and this led to our first meeting.

Dick Pic walks into my club on a Tuesday afternoon, dressed in his greasiest, used car sales man suit and behind him followed his hype guy who looked like he hadn’t even hit puberty yet.

Dick Pic: “Heyyyyy how’s it going!”

“Wonderful it’s Taco Tuesday and as soon as we’re done I’m going for a feast.”

Dick Pic: “Sweet Bro, so like this is a sick spot yo, I like the size of the location and I heard you have lasers, a light show, fog machines and an LED wall.”

“Yes, this is true, have you never been here before?”

Dick Pic: “No, well I just turned 21.”

Dick Pic: “Hear me out here I got some bomb ideas, so Sundays you don’t open right?”

“Right.”

Dick Pic: “Sweet, so like we were thinking about throwing some bomb ass parties on Sundays, like 1000 people every Sunday we will be the biggest thing in town!”

“Ok, well how are you going to do this?”

Dick Pic: “Teen parties!”

What in the fuck, I thought to myself. Like what kind of sleazy creep wants to throw teen parties, there’s no money in teen parties they pay cover and then don’t spend a cent on drinks. Then there’s the fact they all show up drunk, which leads to more problems with the authorities having drunken underage kids hanging around, and if adults are bad with drugs, kids are even worse.

Dick Pic: “Me and my colleague are big into the college and high school scene and we are confident that we can get 1000 kids out weekly, at 20 bucks a pop that’s like $20,000 right! So then you charge a $1 for pop and $1 for coat check and you can make another $2,000. Like we win Bro and we will pay deposit up front too!”

Automatically there  were many red flags about this guy.

  • Still hanging out with teenagers.
  • His math is very optimistic.
  • He talks like an idiot.

But I will play along and make sure I get the best deal possible for myself especially since I will be taking all liability.

“Deposit is $4,000 plus staff. For staff I will need 1 bouncer for every 75 kids, a coat check girl, and a server for soda and water. You will cover the door girl since you are taking door charge. For every kid over my legal capacity I take $5 per head additional and my bouncers will keep track. Any damages by your patrons will be paid by you and the cost of my cleaners will also be charged to you.”

Dick Pic: “Bro, how can I make a dollar?”

So, I go through the whole mathematics with him and show him how he is coming out ahead if he sells 300 tickets, and if he sells 1000 tickets he is laughing to the bank. Nonetheless Dick Pic is thinking long and hard about this, he wants to come back to me with a counter offer but he realizes he came in too optimistic at the beginning and now he is doubting his capabilities.

Dick Pic: “Can I take 5 minutes to talk to my colleague?”

“Sure.”

They go off into the club to chat and I turn on my security camera feed to watch what they do. Dick Pic’s colleague gets on top of the bar and starts dancing for Dick Pic, I’m not sure the point of that but hey to each their own. Then he gets to the middle of the bar and starts to point in my direction with his middle finger up. I laugh to myself and keep watching. He gets down off the bar and they start talking really closely like they are doing some advanced thought process which I doubt since they both had fancy Velcro shoes on. Dick Pic then goes behind the bar and tries to open the beer coolers. I couldn’t believe the audacity of these kids, but after his failed attempt at a free beer they come back to my office.

Dick Pic: “When is the first Sunday we can do this?”

Wait, what? I thought to myself. They took the deal, this is a terrible deal for them they will never get it. But in the same token I see dollar signs in my eyes!

“As soon as you put down a 50% deposit of your total deposit for the night you can pick whatever night you want.”

Dick Pic: “Oh, well I’ll get back to you on that.”

“Ok, get that money to me and we can start the ball rolling.”

It would take some time for Dick Pic to assemble his funds, and on the way he tried to work with every other club in the city. They all offered just as bad an offer or flat out refused leaving me the only one he had a shot with.

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Confessions of a Nightclub Owner: Part 3