Ordering a drink is important business. Because it's not just a cocktail. It's a chance to channel your inner badass.
Some say 'liquid courage' comes with alcohol in general, but I say it's all about the history behind the beverage.
The Bloody Mary
What Is It?
You know this one. It’s one of the most controversial brunch drinks in existence—you love it or you hate it. Makes sense, because its namesake was pretty darn controversial herself.
Depends on who you ask and how adventurous you're feeling. Generally, it's some combination of:
- Tomato Juice
- Lemon Juice
- Salt & Pepper
- Old Bay
- Bacon (optional, I suppose)
Channel: Mary Tudor
Talk about a flawed heroine. Daughter of King Henry VIII and Catherine of Aragon, Mary Tudor was, in fact, pretty "bloody." In her five(ish) year rule, she's most remembered for the mass executions of her Protestant subjects. Not okay.
That said, there are attributes (sans persecution) worth emulating.
For example, her resilience. How does a female find herself in power in the 1500s to begin with? She—um—survives. Mary Tudor made it to adulthood at a time when living itself was a feat. Slurp your Bloody and channel your inner survivor. Better yet, slurp it while singing Destiny's Child.
The queen also had the Independence thing down. Mary wasn't just "Queen." She was THE Queen—the first reigning queen of England and Ireland. That makes her a trailblazer. And if you order a Bloody Mary at a bar on a Saturday night, you'll be an instant trailblazer, too.
The Mary Pickford
What Is It?
A charming rum cocktail served in style.
Add white rum, maraschino, grenadine, and pineapple juice to a tall, chilled cocktail glass. Don't forget to shake and strain. Serve coooold.
Channel: Mary Pickford
Pickford gives new meaning to the saying "Silence is Golden." As one of the most legendary silent film actress of her time, Mary was the queen of the cinema in the early 1900s. Known for her charm and undeniable ability to convey a feeling with a look, the actress wowed crowds in films like Tess of the Storm Country and The Poor Little Rich Girl.
However, this lady was so much more than what audiences saw on screen. Her "side hustles" included co-founding the United Artists film company and working as a producer there, and helping to establish the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences.
She was also just plain wise. Here are a few of her quotes to think on while you sip on your white rum.
"You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call 'failure' is not the falling down, but the staying down."
"I was forced to live far beyond my years when just a child, now I have reversed the order and I intend to remain young indefinitely."
"The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power."
The Shirley Temple
What Is It?
It's only one of the most important childhood staples of all time. Brimming with nostalgia and Red Dye #40, every straw-ful is sure to make you feel giddy.
Sprite + Grenadine + Maraschino Cherry (No, fresh is NOT best in this instance)
Channel: America's Little Darling
Don't reduce her to her corkscrew curls and cherubic dimples. Shirley Temple was as multi-faceted as they come. If you're looking to go "virgin" for the night, ask the bartender for this sweetheart's drink and let the placebo effect take it from there.
In times of country-wide strife, Temple brought the light. The On The Good Ship Lollipop, the singer sweetened many sour days for Americans during the great depression. And she was not just a prodigy triple threat (singer, dancer, actor). Her childhood innocence and optimism transformed to pragmatic, effective public service. See the Reader's Digest list of her accomplishments below.
- U.S. diplomat for the United Nations
- U.S. ambassador to Ghana
- Chief of Protocol for Pres. Gerald Ford
- Member of the U.S. Delegation on African Refugee Problems
- Ambassador to Czechoslovakia
Drinking this simplistic drink should make you feel anything but simple. Channel the feeling of accomplishment. Channel determination. Channel raw talent. I guarantee you'll be drunk with optimism.
The Jean Harlow
What Is It?
An oh-so-sexy sipper! This rum and vermouth drink was an all-time favorite of "The Blonde Bombshell" in her heyday.
Again, the beauty is in the simplicity!
Light rum meets sweet vermouth meets lemon peel garnish.
Serve in those martini glasses you put on your wedding registry and never use.
Channel: Jean Harlow
In a way, Jean Harlow was Marilyn Monroe before Marilyn Monroe was Marilyn Monroe. She was first known for her sex appeal but proved time and again that she had acting chops, comedic timing, depth, and nuance in her repertoire.
As you sip out of your martini glass, channel your "not just a pretty face" mentality. Then, find yourself a Clarke Gable-like wingman and hit the town.
Okay, I made that one up but don't we think it's time to give Queen B some liquor love?