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Here it is another Friday night and what am I doing, sitting at home all alone, but enjoying the peace and quiet. My AH left for work this morning as per usual, on the days he actually decides to work, that is.
My days tend to also blend each one into the next. I did my normal online work. Went through the pile of bills that are expected to be paid by the end of the month, and start to stress.
Today is Friday, and while most people are winding up their work week, today is the first day this week that my husband has decided to work.
Since last Saturday afternoon, he has done nothing, and I do mean nothing but lie on the couch in the same dirty, smelly clothes sleeping it off. He wakes only long enough to eat, maybe watch a couple of hours of television and drink...repeat through Sunday-Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday-Thursday.
However, since he has dragged himself from the couch to venture out into the world, mostly because he is out of alcohol and cigarettes he now feels he has earned that much needed time off to party the night away with his friends.
Every Friday it is the same thing. He goes directly after work to his pal Doug's house to play pools, cards, cookout and get completely trashed on booze and drugs. He used to come home around 3:30 AM via taxi. Coincidentally just after the bars have closed. Now he doesn't do that, he shows up sometime Saturday late afternoon. But we will see if that even happens. May not see him again until Sunday.
One might think that this would be upsetting to me. It is not. I actually really enjoy the time he is not here. I can relax, not feel tense and stressed out by having to see his disgusting drunk actions.
It gets very stressful when he is home because he is a freaking time bomb. Not only is he an alcoholic/pill addict he is also bipolar and his moods can go from one extreme to the next in a second.
You just never know what will set him over the edge. I am already thinking ahead to the 4th of July weekend holiday coming up. I am sure he will have all sorts of social engagements to attend. BBQs, card games, the works. Anywhere there is drinking and partying he is all in.
I have been working so hard to stash money; it is hard when there are so many bills that must be paid. Saving money is part of my escape plan. When I am able to afford to do so I will make my move.
Sadly, with today's economy and all he may very well do himself in before that happens. It is not nice to say, but either way I will finally be free of the daily struggles. I often tell him that I can feel it coming, something bad is going to happen soon. He will either get arrested, end up in the hospital, or die.
He always yells at me when I say things like that. He claims I am just trying to jinx him. Jinx him? Really dude, if I actually had the power to make things happen like that what makes him think I would waste them on wishing him harm? He really is delusional and thinks of no one but himself.
I promise you if I had that kind of power, I certainly would have used it before now. I would have for sure won the lottery and be living a life far away from your alcohol and drug filled days.