I hate being the only one not drinking. I hate the awkward silences and muffled whispers when you announce your sobriety for the night and people awkwardly start to shuffle away from you. I mean, you would want to distance yourself from a weirdo too right? That’s exactly how my thought process used to be... Until I actually tried being the only one not drinking.
My friends are alchos. Okay, not literally. But like anyone these days, they like their fair share of alcohol. The working week usually consists of talks about the next drink-up and I’m sitting planning how much of my wages I’m going to waste before payday even arrives. Not anymore! I got totally fed-up. I was beginning to feel like a zombie stuck in this work-drink routine and I needed out. And God I feel so much better for it. So, I’m challenging you. Yes you, puny human. To do the same. For one month, I need you to be the only one not drinking too.
Not drinking has some serious benefits. But if you don’t want to be the center of attention for all the wrong reasons among your intoxicated peers then listen up! Because here’s a story of how you can overcome what others fear most. Social exclusion. Those two words will mean nothing to you by the time we’re through. Learn from our mistakes and use this list as arsenic over the coming month. The time has come. Let’s begin.
If you haven’t already noticed alcohol is really expensive. And the cost only ever seems to be increasing. It’s even worse if you’re someone like me. Dubbed the "cocktail queen" I’ve had my fair share of creamy pina coladas, sophisticated mojitos, and exotic woo woos. But my word, are they expensive. Coming in at on average $9 per glass it’s not for the feint hearted… or the broke... no, not them. And it’s definitely not for any not-yet-broke-but-soon-will-be students either!
Put it this way one night of casual drinking accrues around five cocktails. Five cocktails = $45. For $45 I could have bought a three-course meal, gone to the movies, visited a new city, bought some new crepes or maybe just eaten my bodyweight in Fritos (actually, aren’t they super expensive now too?) … anyway, you get the gist. We’d much rather have something to show for our money.
Take a note from Lil Dicky and $ave Dat Money.
Bask in the Health Benefits
Most doctors would agree anyone that tells you drinking alcohol on a regular basis is good for you is a blatant liar. Maybe you should disassociate? Regardless, you’re going to be a hell of a lot better off having not touched alcohol in a while than by excessive drinking.
Order Mocktails, Duh!
I figured this one was obvious but who knows! Every alcoholic drink has its non-alcoholic counterpart especially designed for us! Yes, we have our own drink. And guess what? They taste just as good as the alcoholic ones minus the horrible hangovers and embarrassing bar and table-top dancing!
Go Someplace Else?
There are an awful lot of day and evening activities that don’t involve alcohol at all. Hell… they don’t even involve food and drink! Have you ever been trampolining? A relatively new craze is sweeping the nations involving the emergence of more and more trampoline parks and less and less bars and clubs. Seriously, I’ve had more fun jumping up and down on those things than I ever have spewing my guts up on a side-walk.
Don’t be the Only One Not Drinking
Contrary to popular belief your friends might not actually want to drink too. They just don’t want to be the first ones to suggest it! We’ve decided that the burden must fall on you, chosen one. You must be the one to break the news to your beloved friends and convince them that this is the way to go, at least for a little while. Give your liver a rest!
Be a Happy Snapper
Ever had an embarrassing photo of yourself uploaded on Facebook by that one friend of yours who wasn’t drinking that night? Well, my friend you’re in luck because now is your chance to become that wonderfully loved and hated group member. It’s your turn to seek revenge out against those who have done you wrong, treated you poorly and basically not listened to your endless "DELETE IT" arguments.
Do We Have to Think of Everything for you…?
Yawn. If you’re still here that means, we haven’t convinced you yet. Or you just love our witty sense of humor (insert eye-roll here) … see! Witty! This next idea might be a bit crazy. But crazy is good. Who was it that said all the best people are?… anyway. Why not use this newly acquired time to go and see your family? They love you, you know. And will probably sleep a lot easier knowing you’re staying safe and scandal free. If family’s not really your thing then set a new career goal, find a new hobby, binge watch on Netflix, do I need to remind anyone that the new season of Pretty Little Liars is out soon?!
Charge for Taxi Fare
Lastly... we’re not sure why it’s last because it’s an awesome idea. Charge your (now enhanced poor judgement) friends to be ferried around in your car. You know you were going to be the one driving them anyway. So why are you letting them take liberties on you? Think damn it!
We hope that this list has inspired you and if not, then at least made you laugh. We don’t want to have to create a lonely hearts sober edition so you best change your attitude to sobriety ASAP. But if you’re nervous then remember, it’s not actually that bad to be the only one not drinking!